Feedback Without Defensiveness: How Feedforward Changes Performance Conversations

Photo by August de Richelieu

Feedback is one of those words that can quietly change the energy in a room.

Even strong, capable leaders often feel it in their bodies the moment someone says, “I have some feedback.” Shoulders tense. Breathing shifts. Curiosity gives way to self-protection.

I see this frequently in my coaching work, especially now, as year-end reviews, performance conversations, and reflection cycles are either wrapping up or still being processed. For many people, formal meetings may be over, but the emotional residue remains.

The challenge is not that feedback exists. In most workplaces, feedback and performance reviews are unavoidable. The challenge is how feedback is received—and what our mindset does with it.

When feedback is unconsciously associated with judgment, people can feel like a child being called into the principal’s office: bracing for what they did wrong, focused on defense rather than growth. In that state, even well-intended input can land as threat instead of information.

One useful shift is to separate feedback from identity. Feedback is not a statement about who you are. It is data about how something landed, how a behavior was experienced, or how a result was interpreted. When feedback gets fused with identity, it triggers defensiveness. When it stays informational, it becomes usable.

This is where feedforward can be especially helpful.

Feedforward, a concept popularized by longtime family friend and colleague Marshall Goldsmith, does not replace feedback; it changes how feedback functions in performance conversations by shifting the focus from judgment to forward movement. Feedback acknowledges what has already happened. Feedforward shifts the conversation toward what could work better going forward.

Rather than rehashing past missteps, feedforward invites partnership. It sounds like:

“What would you suggest I try next time?” “What is one thing I could do differently moving forward?” “If we were designing this for success, what would you add?”

The tone changes immediately. The conversation becomes collaborative rather than corrective. People stop feeling evaluated and start feeling supported.

In coaching, this matters because growth does not happen when people are busy defending themselves. It happens when they feel safe enough to experiment, stretch, and learn.

As you reflect on recent reviews or prepare for upcoming feedback conversations, here are a few ways to apply this right now:

• When receiving feedback, ask one feedforward question before responding.

• When giving feedback, pair it with a forward-looking suggestion or experiment.

• When emotions rise, remind yourself that feedback is information, not a verdict.

Feedback may be required. Growth is optional. How you frame the conversation determines which one you get.

One of the most common questions I hear from leaders is whether feedforward means avoiding hard feedback. It does not. Accountability still matters. Performance standards still matter. What feedforward changes is how those conversations are experienced.

When people feel judged, their attention narrows. They focus on protecting themselves rather than improving. When people feel partnered with, their attention widens. They become more willing to reflect, experiment, and take responsibility. The same message can land very differently depending on which state the conversation creates.

This is why pairing feedback with feedforward is so effective. Feedback provides clarity about what happened. Feedforward provides direction about what to do next. Together, they support learning without unnecessary defensiveness.

If you want to apply this immediately, start small:

• Before giving feedback, ask yourself what forward movement you want to enable.

• When receiving feedback, pause and ask for one concrete suggestion to try next.

 • Replace evaluation-heavy language with curiosity-driven questions.

These shifts do not remove rigor. They reduce friction.

If feedback feels heavy or unproductive, this is an area I work on with leaders and teams. Small shifts in language and mindset can change not only the conversation itself, but the quality of learning and the results that follow.

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